Most couples will have arguments periodically throughout their relationship, some more than others. They’re not always bad for your relationship as they can help to clear the air and can be a great way to make your relationship stronger. Being mature enough to resolve an argument will help you to draw closer to each other.

Common issues couples argue over include finances, romance, family and other people who one half of the relationship perceive to be a threat to them. All of these topics are just as serious as each other to the person who is feeling the strain.

So how can you resolve these problems in a way that keeps your relationship together whilst making it stronger at the same time?

When anyone is feeling threatened, upset or even angry with their partner, they are having negative feelings toward a situation. Show that you care about your partner by asking them how they feel and why they are feeling the way they are gives them a chance to release their feelings. Allowing someone to express how and why they are feeling what they feel can be a great first step in helping you to understand where they are coming from. It is important that you take time to listen to their feelings and not interrupt otherwise you risk them still holding onto some negative energy and repeating the argument at a later date.

Not interrupting your partner and allowing them to voice their feelings helps to ensure that the tone of the argument doesn’t get out of control. Sometimes it can be the way you say something that can make your point rather than the words you choose. Keeping a calm manner when you speak will show that you are in control of your emotions and also not make your partner feel threatened and defensive. It also means that they don’t have to raise their voice higher to make themselves heard and things can be kept at a conciliatory level.

You need remove pride out of any argument that you are having. If you enter an argument with an attitude of winning it at all costs, you are probably going to end up saying some pretty hurtful things that you may regret very soon after. There is no point in winning an argument if the result is you lose your partner or push them further away from you. You haven’t solved anything and will probably find yourselves in the same situation over and over.

If you are irritable and cause your partner to be upset, don’t try and make excuses for your behaviour. It isn’t their fault if you have had a bad day at the office or you received bad news from a friend or on an investment. These are all valid reasons for you to be upset but none of them are a valid reason to take it out on them. It might be an idea to drop them a polite text before you see them to let them know what’s happened today so that they are aware you may not be your usual self.

Don’t issue threats about your relationship during the course of your argument. That is going to make your partner even more upset and emotional. They may also start planning their next move in case another argument pops up and they act on your threats. Emotional blackmail isn’t a desirable tactic as it can put your partner is fight or flight mode.

Arguments are a part of life and can happen frequently. Not all arguments need to be bad and most can be good for your relationship if you can be amicable through them and explore each other’s reasoning. An argument is still a form of communication and good communication is key to all healthy and lasting relationships. Keep in mind that if you win an argument but lose your partner, did you really win?